


I got lost on the way, but now I'm okay

by Kildren



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Pre-Relationship, clark talks some sense into kara, it's there if you squint, they need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 19:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15802632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kildren/pseuds/Kildren
Summary: Kara didn’t like admitting to fear because she wanted to be a beacon of hope, though there were a great many things she was afraid of. It ranged from something simple like losing her favorite pen to a dire possibility of failing National City, yet as of recent there was another addition to her list — Lena Luthor.





	I got lost on the way, but now I'm okay

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this is my two cents of why Kara reacted so strongly to Lena having Kryptonite (and generally botching their relationship).
> 
> Canon divergence starting 3x19 (as in Kara did not offer to rebuild their relationship), but the story starts end of S3 after the events. All mistakes are mine

Kara didn’t like admitting to fear because she wanted to be a beacon of hope, though there were a great many things she was afraid of. It ranged from something simple like losing her favorite pen to a dire possibility of failing National City, yet as of recent there was another addition to her list—

Lena Luthor.

Never did she expect to become scared of Lena Luthor. It all started with Reign, and Lena’s confession about using the Kryptonite she inherited from Lex to subdue the Worldkiller. It rattled Kara, knowing that there was _more_ Kryptonite out there, specifically at L-Corp where there was a high possibility that Lillian would be able to steal it if she wanted to, if she _knew_ it was there. When Lena told them she used all the remaining Kryptonite, she sighed in relief. At least that nightmare wasn’t going to come true.

Kara knew that Lena wasn’t like her family, she was good. She was a friend, an ally, someone she shouldn’t doubt because of the lack of trust she had (has) in her life. Someone she promised to protect and to be there for, always…but when Lena told her she was able to _create_ Kryptonite? Something inside her snapped and she couldn’t contain the fury that lit her body aflame. It was almost like the time she was infected with red kryptonite, but it was infinitely worse because she _wasn’t_ under its influence when she spat out harsh words towards the Luthor and had James search her private vault for traces of Kryptonite behind her back. It wasn’t something she’d do, yet she had done it.

Feeling guilty she tried to make up with Lena, apologizing for her initial anger when Winn told her that Lena had no more Kryptonite.  She apologized again when she and Mon-El were able to bring Reign back to the lab with the help of her Kryptonite, all while trying to convince herself there was no reason to be afraid of Lena.

Things just got worse when she saw the reflective scatter field the CEO created to keep Reign in check. It was then that she realized she had been ignoring the other half of Lena, the half that wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Ever since she succeeded L-Corp Lena’s life was in constant danger. All this time she had been struggling for recognition and fighting back tirelessly when other people tried to put her down. She almost lost hope when Morgan Edge accused of her poisoning the children with lead, if not for Kara and Sam insisting on her innocence and eventually finding proof.

Kara had continuously seen the vulnerable side of her, and somehow along the way she forgot that Lena was a woman willing to do anything to achieve her goal. She asked Supergirl to appear at the charity gala for protection, when in reality the heroine was just plan B if her black body field generator failed to work. She had pretended to help Lillian with Medusa, only to reveal that she made the virus inert before sending her mother to prison. Kara had sulked because Lena didn’t clue her in on both occasions, but she understood that her heart was in the right place.

What would happen when it wasn’t?

“Kara? Are you alright? You just...froze up all of the sudden.”

Where was she? Ah, yes, Earth had regained peace after the Worldkillers were defeated, and here Kara Danvers was, having lunch with her best friend in the whole universe. She seemed to be the only one unable to shake away the events, her mind still wallowing in doubt of Lena’s character…still being afraid. “I—I have to go. I forgot about a piece Snapper asked me to do, I—”

Lena frowned briefly, but quickly gave her a smile to hide her disappointment. “It’s alright, go ahead.”

Kara insisted on leaving money for her share and quickly walked away. Her thoughts were jumbled up, tangled into a mess that she couldn’t work through—the thought of trying to unravel it just made her want to punch junk cars. Her phone rang and she realized it was Clark. _That’s it! I can talk to Clark about this, he’ll know._

“Kara, hi—”

“Clark, good thing you called, I need to talk to you. I’m going over there right now.” As soon as she hung up she sped into her suit and took off, finding her way to Clark’s home.

“What’s the problem?” her cousin greeted as soon as she landed. He appeared to be calm but she could see the worry in his eyes.

Kara paced around for a moment, before turning to face him. “Were you ever afraid of Lex turning against you? Before he did?”

Clark frowned at the sudden topic but answered anyways. “Lex…when we were working together he was always able to do what I couldn’t. I was too kind in his eyes, and when I was indecisive on how things should be handled he would be the one to put his foot down. In the beginning it felt like a good cop bad cop routine, but eventually his actions became more extreme than the last…” he let out a sigh. “I kept on believing he’d do the right thing, I don’t think there was a chance to be afraid of the possibility that he’d become my enemy. He just changed, and that was it.”

“You saw his weapons and never thought that he’d use them on you?”

“Kara…did you bring Lex up because you’re suspecting someone you know is going to hurt you?”

“Lena knows how to make Kryptonite,” she rushed out.

He’s eyes widened with surprise, but unlike Kara’s initial reaction he didn’t seem terribly upset. “That’s quite impressive,” he said with a half grin.

Kara threw her hands up in the air. “Impressive? That’s all you have to say? It’s _Kryptonite_ , Clark!”

“The DEO has Kryptonite, except when I wanted them to hand it over you said they could be trusted.”

“The DEO has a limited supply! Lena can create so much more than that!”

“And why is that a problem? To be honest I’m not one hundred percent okay with it but you’ve always trusted her, and from what I’ve seen in these few years she _can_ be trusted. The fact that you know is a reason.”

She swallowed a lump in her throat. “I’m…I’m afraid of her, Clark,” she confessed quietly. “All the sudden I’m aware of the vast knowledge she possesses and the brilliance of her mind. It’s not like I didn’t know before, but I just…after what she’s done with Reign it’s all I can see now and I’m _scared_ , knowing what could happen if she puts her mind to it—”

“Kara, stop. I don’t like what you’re implying.”

“W-what? I’m not—”

“All around the world there are organizations that have a variety of weapons specifically made to deal with aliens, such as ourselves. Why are you not afraid of them?”

“They can’t harm me as much as Kryptonite can! And did you know Lena also created a reflective scatter field that blinds our eyes if we try to use X-Ray vision?!”

Clark shook his head in disappointment. “Don’t be like Lex.”

_“What?”_ Kara exclaimed incredulously. “Listen, I am _nothing_ like him!”

“Don’t you realize? Once Lex saw the possibility of me using my powers against humanity it became the only thing he could focus on, and that’s what sent him into madness. Lena certainly has potential to harm us but she uses her knowledge for good. Tell me, if the Worldkillers were Coluans or Starhavenites, would you still be mad at Lena for creating technology that keeps them contained?"

“I…”

“Honestly, you’re freaking out right now. You’re taking it personally because what Lena created can harm you, but you need to know it was for Reign, not you. I need you to see past the possibility of what she can do, and understand that you don’t have to be afraid of a future that will never exist. The fear will only make your nightmares become a reality—please don’t give Lena a reason to turn her back on you.”

Kara stood still in absolute horror. How in the world did she let her mind lead her to such a dark conclusion? How did she let all that doubt cloud her mind? Oh Rao, she had done the unforgivable! All the damage she caused and the strain she put on their friendship…she was definitely walking on thin ice.

Clark understood what her silence meant. “Whatever you did, there’s still time to fix it.”

“I crossed a line, I betrayed her trust! There’s nothing I can do.”

“There is something you can do…” her cousin trailed off in contemplation, “but it’s a highly risky move.” When she looked at him with a quirked brow he gestured to their family crest on her uniform.

“No, no, no. No way,” she replied quickly as she held up her hands. “I’m not gonna...yeah, nope, bad idea.”

“Well if you want someone to trust you, you have to show that you trust them.”

“Oh yeah? How long did it take you to tell Lois?”

Clark chuckled. “Alright, alright, you got me there. However, I think your situation is a bit different. It probably won’t patch things up completely but at least it’ll be a start.”

“What if it goes wrong? What if the news breaks her? I’ll lose her in a blink of an eye!”

“Then you can say I told you so?”

“Clark! So not helpful…” she mumbled, ending it with a pout. Regardless she thanked Clark and hugged him as tightly as she could (and Rao it was good hug someone without crushing them). Lois came home and asked her to stay for dinner (which was what Clark originally called her for) but she politely declined, not wanting to delay her apology. She quickly flew towards L-Corp and picked up a variety of food along the way.

Kara landed with a gently thud on the office balcony, signaling her arrival. The slight spike in Lena’s heartbeat showed that she knew of her visit, except she pretended not to and continued to bury her head in work. The blonde sighed, knowing that her reaction was justified since she single handedly botched the relationship between Supergirl and Lena.

“Lena?” she called out while knocking on the glass door. “Can you open up? I uh, brought you dinner…don’t want it to get cold.”

Kara cringed at her own words, wanting very much to slap herself in the face. Couldn’t she have thought of anything better? Thankfully Lena got up and opened the door, except she stood there without letting her in.

“I’m starving,” she said flatly as she reached a hand out, waiting for Kara to pass over the food. When Kara did, Lena eyed the contents in the bags with an arched brow. She stepped aside swiftly and headed towards her couch, putting everything on the coffee table. “You have five minutes, state your business.”

The blonde couldn’t contain her smile, and when Lena saw it she merely rolled her eyes. “It’s the least I can do, seeing that you’ve brought all my favorites from around the world. It must be something important.”

Kara watched as she took out containers out of the bag and laid them out in an organized fashion. She noticed a tinge of dark under Lena’s eyes and wondered if she was over exerting herself. Aside from that she was well put together as always, exuding with power and confidence, something Kara wished she had naturally instead of having to put her hands on her hips like she was demanding authority. Her brows were immaculate without fail, moving in tandem with her expressive green eyes as she looked at the food appraisingly, her vibrantly red lips even curled up into a smile. Her hair was done up in a bun, showcasing her strong jawline and gorgeous neck. Today instead of a dress she was wearing black slacks and a navy blue blouse with the top few buttons undone, causing Kara to avert her gaze to the floor with a slight blush. She then noticed that the CEO had taken off her high heels in favor for walking around bare footed, something she should have noticed sooner because of the obvious height difference it created.

“Tick tock, Supergirl. Are you just going to stand there and watch me or do you have something to say?”

The blonde blinked for a few seconds. “Oh. I was just doing something I should have done…” she said absentmindedly.

“Which is dissecting me with your eyes to try and find the Luthor in me?”

“No! I was looking at you with a new perspective? It’s amazing how different everything looks when my mentality changed.”

Lena opened the container of salad that Kara had fetched from a Michelin restaurant in France. To her it looked just like any other salad, but the CEO had mentioned in passing that she liked it so she figured why not. “Dare I ask what brought about the change?”

“I had a talk with my cousin.”

“Superman?” she asked with genuine curiosity, “and he sided with a Luthor?”

“No, he sided with _you_ , Lena.” 

“Hmm. Still, I never thought I’d live to see this day coming, it’s a pleasant surprise. Maybe I should move back to Metropolis and help him instead.”

Kara gasped out loud. “You wouldn’t!”

“I won’t, if you tell me why you acted so petty. What you asked James to do? I never expected that from you.”

“I know it was a low blow,” she admittedly quietly, “and I regret it, I truly do. I was…I was blinded by fear, Lena. Rao, the pain…it’s bad enough that I have to face it from time to time, but knowing that you were able to create it? And the possibility that people would steal the recipe from you and replicate large quantities? For a while I felt safe after you agreed to the conditions I told you, that I was somehow in control of your flow of Kryptonite…but when I saw the cell you created to hold Reign and the reflective scatter field that came with it? One thing led to another and before I realized it, you became a threat to me...”

Lena looked at her in disbelief, the hurt evident in her eyes. “After all this time you still thought of me as another Lex? You thought I was going to hurt you, or worse, kill you?”

“It’s funny you’d say that because Kal-El compared _me_ to Lex,” she replied with a wry smile. “The words he said made me aware that I was drowning myself in fear and worrying about disasters that’d never happen…honestly I, I’m not so proud of myself right now. I wanted so much to become a symbol of hope but how can, I when all I do is feel terrified? I’m undeserving of everyone’s faith in me…”

Kara sniffled as she tried hard to keep her tears at bay. Rao, she was useless! She was supposed to apologize, not feel sorry for herself! The silence between them was almost unbearable, it made her want to bolt away and never come back to Earth. She almost sighed in relief when Lena finally spoke.

“Come here,” Lena called out softly. Blue eyes blinked rapidly through tears and she saw that the CEO was patting the space beside her, gesturing her for her to sit. Kara slowly made her way over and sat, but maintained a respectable distance between them by choosing on the far end.

“As a Luthor, as a business woman, I’m never apologetic for my actions because I believe them to be right...well, excluding the times I’ve been unknowingly manipulated,” she said with a low laugh. “The thing is…I owe you an apology because this time I have no one to blame but myself. I…I thought I could save Sam alone, and that foolish thought was the reason I lost your trust in me, the reason why you’re frightened. I should have reached out to you…if you knew the whole process maybe you wouldn’t have felt threatened by all the things I did. It...it never occurred to me that you, Supergirl, would be _scared_. You braved dangers and saved countless lives…I guess I forgot that even though you’re the Girl of Steel, your emotions are still as malleable as anyone else’s.”

The CEO picked up a few boxes of potstickers and handed it to Kara. “Would it be alright if we just ate for now? I know you didn’t bring all this food just for me,” she said with a small smile. Kara’s eyes brightened immediately and she took the boxes, instantly devouring one. “Would you like some water?”

Kara nodded and chewed happily until she suddenly remembered that she was here as Supergirl, the heroine who never ever mentioned potstickers to Lena. _Oh Rao, why did I buy potstickers?! Maybe she just handed them to me randomly…who am I kidding! She didn’t even ask what I’d prefer and just gave them to me! No, I shouldn’t freak out! I’m here to tell her who I am. Yes. Yes, that’s right. Tell her. All I have to do is open my mouth and say the words—_

“Everything okay there, Supergirl?” Lena asked casually as she set down a glass of water on the table.

Kara stuffed another five potstickers in her mouth and gave her a thumbs up. _KARA ZOR-EL YOU DUMMY!_  

The Luthor sat back down and opened a container full of hard-to-pronounce pasta—or whatever it was. “I’m glad that we talked. Now that we have an understanding it won’t be so awkward for Kara, considering she’s our mutual friend. I think she liked the fact that we were on good terms, so she must have felt devastated when I flat out told her I can’t trust you anymore after…you know.”

The blonde swallowed a lump in her throat. “We can work on rebuilding our trust, starting now.”

“I’d like that,” Lena said softly. _Now’s your chance, Kara! Say the words!_

“My name is Kara Zor-El,” she rushed out. “The only child of Zor-El and Alura, the Last Daughter of Krypton, the Girl of Steel and the Maiden of Might—but most important of all, I am Kara Danvers.”

Silence followed. It was unnerving that Lena hadn’t reacted yet. She had expected her to immediately tense up and tell her to leave. Maybe she’d stand up furiously and finally release all the anger she usually kept hidden under her calm exterior. Perhaps she’d just look her in the eye and tell her she knew all along. Lena did none of those—she simply just leaned back into the couch and slowly exhaled a breath before making a confession of her own.

“I kept some Harun-El.”

Although Harun-El wasn’t as lethal to Kara as Kryptonite, it was still a recipe for disaster. “…why?”

Lena closed her eyes, a tired smile on her lips. “Maybe I want to turn myself into a Super like Sam? Or maybe I can use it to strip away my evil Luthor genes so people won’t have a reason to distrust me?”

“Lena, I—”

“But in all seriousness,” she cut back in as she opened her eyes and gazed at Kara, “Harun-El has great potential, one being the solution to the impending energy crisis on Earth. I also kept it as a precaution because Sam mentioned that you touched it during your fight with Reign. I’d hate to think of the possibility but…seeing as the stone split Sam and Reign into two, there might be another Kara out there. If so, then the Harun-El may be needed to bring the two of you together.”

She had to admit she never thought about that possibility. “Oh Rao, we need to tell Alex!”

“I, for one, would like us to _finally_ finish dinner while trading stories about each other. How about you tell me about life on Krypton and I tell you…things about me that you can’t find on the internet.”

“Such as?”

“I had a Goth phase, used to have three tongue rings, and I have multiple well-hidden tattoos?”

“No way! Spill!”

“Not until you tell me something first.”

“Alright, let me tell you about the time I was babysitting Clark…”

Kara knew there were quite a few things they left undiscussed, but she was certain that they would have a chance to work through it eventually. Right now she was just glad that they were back to being friends who were talking about mundane things and embarrassing stories. She was still afraid of what the future had in store for them, afraid that a new threat or situation would again, weaken their friendship…but she knew that with a powerful ally like Lena (ahem, and the DEO), they would be stronger together.


End file.
